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Monologue Jokes – March 27, 2013
1. Yesterday the Supreme Court heard oral arguments on the federal Defense of Marriage Act. If overturned, gay people will be allowed to marry and many men will be forced to come up with another reason...
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January 9, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. Honey Boo Boo and her family walked away from a car crash Monday without any serious injuries. Fortunately, everyone in her family has a body that comes with a built-in airbag. 2. Honey Boo Boo and...
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May 23, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Two U.S. food companies have issued recalls for walnuts and hummus after a listeria outbreak. That story again, it’s the end of the world for white people. 2. Two U.S. food companies have issued...
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June 24, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Friday, pop superstar Katy Perry said she would write Hillary Clinton’s campaign theme song if she decides to run for president in 2016. “I Kissed a Girl, I Kissed a Girl,” whispered a hopeful...
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July 18, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Marvel announced yesterday that African-American comic book character Sam Wilson, previously known as the Falcon, will be taking over as Captain America. “A black Captain America? I’m gonna have to...
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September 26, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Two people are suing Madison Square Garden for allegedly over-serving them at a recent Billy Joel concert. When he heard the news, Joel, out of habit, exclaimed, “I wasn’t the one driving, I swear!”...
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October 27, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. It is being reported that Honey Boo Boo’s mom, Mama June, is dating a convicted child molestor. Man, that dad from “7th Heaven” will do just about to get back on TV. 2. On Friday, TLC canceled its...
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November 14, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. This week, Paper Magazine released a picture of Kim Kardashian shooting champagne into a glass balanced on her butt. I haven’t seen that much champagne on that big of ass since A-Rod won the World...
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November 21, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. The creators of the Lammily Doll, a realistic version of Barbie, are offering special sticker packs which allow kids to give the dolls acne, cellulite and tattoos. As a result, the makers of the...
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December 17, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Norman Bridwell, the creator of the “Clifford the Big Red Dog” children’s books, died at the age of 86. Or, as it was reported to kids, he went to go live on a farm upstate. 2. Mama June...
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December 19, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Residents in Southern California have complained about a medical marijuana dispensary’s Christmas display which features a pot-smoking Santa Claus. He goes into to other people’s home and eats their...
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January 7, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Actress Lindsay Lohan was recently diagnosed with a rare mosquito-transmitted disease called Chikungunya. But don’t be discouraged Lindsay, if you keep at it, they’re bound to name one after you...
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January 21, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Professional golfer Dustin Johnson, who reportedly had been suspended from the PGA Tour for a positive drug test last summer, told Sports Illustrated that he does not have a cocaine problem. Adding,...
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February 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Amazon has opened its first ever brick-and-mortar, pickup and drop-off location on the campus of Purdue University. This is great news for anyone who has ever walked to their mailbox to pick up a...
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May 8, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. A diamond-covered gold Cartier watch valued at more than $100,000 was accidentally left at a Newark Liberty International Airport security checkpoint on Tuesday. Said the owner of the misplaced...
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May 26, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Seattle couple left nearly $850,000 to the U.S. government in their will. “That’s actually from the three of us,” said Wesley Snipes. 2. Over the weekend, actresses Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen...
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May 27, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Three-term Arizona Democratic Congresswoman Ann Kirkpatrick said on Tuesday she will seek to oust Republican John McCain from his U.S. Senate seat in 2016. “Not if I beat you to it,” said Father...
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July 17, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, TLC officially cancelled “19 Kids and Counting,” nearly two months after revelations about acts of child molestation committed by Josh Duggar, one of the kids, when he was a teenager....
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August 21, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. After being outed by the Ashley Madison information dump, Celia Walden, the journalist wife of Piers Morgan, admitting to having an account on the infidelity website by only because she was working...
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August 27, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Josh Duggar, the disgraced star of the cancelled reality show “19 Kids and Counting,” checked himself into rehab. And, if you thought having 19 kids was scary, it’s even worse when you’re...
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